It was very wise of you to decide to return. (…) There was something inappropriate in your absence.
- Max Frei, ‘The Volunteers of Eternity’.
FIX-IT (fandom term, adj.) - a descriptive epithet for a fan fiction, that fixes something in original, canon version of mentioned events. E.g., fiction can fix marriage, romantic notions, unreleased tension.
Or even death.
COULSON EVENT (fact) - also known as Schrödinger Coulson; the only thing in Marvel’s The Avengers you can really spoil.
DOUGHNUT (noun, specific) - also known as ‘donut’; a type of fried dough confectionery or dessert food. Symbolizes peaceful eternity in its sweetest form. Fondly associated with better side of Jörmungandr in some religions.
Cover | Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3 | Page 4
Page 5 | Page 6 | Page 7 | Page 8 | Page 9
Page 10 | Page 11 | Page 12 | Page 13 | Credits
Worked on this for nearly a month, on my own, after the working hours; still, I hope my lack of time didn’t have way too much influence on the quality of the finished story…
I feel like I need to mention my working soundtrack.
These songs truly helped me in painting this))
Nina Hagen, “Right On Time” [listen here]
The National, “Mistaken For Strangers” [listen here]
Esben and the Witch, “Marching Song” [listen here]
Abney Park, “Evil Man” [listen here]
Katzenjammer, “Land Of Confusion” [listen here]
Soul Coughing, “Unmarked Helicopters” [listen here]
Tom Waits, “New Coat Of Paint” [listen here]
- Dad: Wait, Loki's destroying all the frost giants even though he is one?
- Me: Yup.
- Dad: Why?
- Me: He's trying to prove to his father, and by extension all of Asgard, that he's really one of them and that he's worthy and mansome like Thor. Also, self-loathing.
- Dad: If I were his dad, this wouldn't have happened.
- Me: If you were Loki's dad, our children would be born without eyelids.
- Dad: OH NO
- Me: Calm it down, dad.
- Dad: HE'S CRYING AGAIN. I HATE IT WHEN HE CRIES. MAKE HIM STOP.
- Me: *sigh* Oh, would that I could.
- Dad: Do you think if I gave Odin a cow and some goats he would agree to have Loki marry you so you can make sure he never cries again?
- Me: First of all, you live in the suburbs and have no livestock to speak of. Second, probably not, as I am a commoner and kind of gross-looking. Third, I strongly object to the prospect of being bartered.
- Dad: You're right.
- Me: Thank you.
- Dad: I'd probably have to give him two cows.
- Dad: Loki just did a pole dance.
- Me: *laugh*
- Dad: He sits with his legs spread like a cheap strumpet and he twirls on a pole.
- Me: *laugh*
- Dad: Loki's a slut.
- Thor: *pins Loki down with Mjolnir*
- Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- Loki: *yell* *squirm* *grunt*
- Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA!
- Loki: I could have done it, father!
- Dad: Oh my god.
- Odin: No, Loki.
- Dad: SHUT UP ANTHONY HOPKINS YOU NEGLECTFUL ASSHOLE. IF LOKI WERE MY SON I WOULD BE NICE TO HIM.
- Me: *ruptures internal organs trying not to laugh*
- Loki: ...
- Dad: OH NO OH NO OH NO
- Loki: *lets go of the spear*
- Dad: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
- Thor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
- Odin: No.
- Dad: DAMNIT ODIN YOU AREN'T UPSET ENOUGH
- Me: Dad, don't give yourself a palpitation.
- Dad: WTF Loki just comitted suicide and these assholes are throwing a feast and partying.
- Me: ...
- Dad: Assholegard!!!!
- THE END
- Dad: Hey, do you feel like some GoLean Crunch?
- Dad: Poor Thor, having problems with his hammer. I've been there, buddy.
- Me: DAD NO DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THIS.
- Dad: DOES IT FREAK YOU OUT?
- Me: YES.
- Dad: NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL WHEN YOU AND YOUR MOTHER MAKE JOKES ABOUT PERIODS AND STUFF.
- Me: PERIODS ARE HILARIOUS.
- Dad: SO ARE PENISES.
- Me: NOT WHEN THEY'RE ATTACHED TO FAMILY MEMBERS.
- Dad: PERIODS AREN'T FUNNY WHEN THEY'RE HAPPENING TO FAMILY MEMBERS.
- Me: THEY ARE STILL FUNNY EVEN THEN. MAYBE FUNNIER.
- Dad: Shh, Loki's talking!
- Me: ...
- Dad: ...Odin didn't die. Why did Loki say Odin died?
- Me: He was lying.
- Dad: Why did he lie?
- Me: Because he does things like that.
- Dad: Well, that's not very nice.
- Dad: Why are Thor's asshole friends going to go get Thor even after Loki told them no? He's the king!
- Me: They're defying him.
- Dad: But he's the king!
- Me: I guess they don't care.
- Dad: Assholes.
- Dad: OH MY GOD ITS A TRANSFORMER. I DIDN'T KNOW TRANSFORMERS WERE IN THOR.
- Me: They aren't, it's a Destroyer, not a-
- Dad: TRANSFORMERS IS DOING A CROSSOVER WITH THOR I LOVE THIS MOVIE.
- Dad: If Loki was helping the frost giants, why did he kill them just now?
- Me: He was tricking them.
- Dad: So he used his catatonic father as bait?
- Me: Yeah.
- Dad: That seems irresponsible.