It was very wise of you to decide to return. (…) There was something inappropriate in your absence.
- Max Frei, ‘The Volunteers of Eternity’.
FIX-IT (fandom term, adj.) - a descriptive epithet for a fan fiction, that fixes something in original, canon version of mentioned events. E.g., fiction can fix marriage, romantic notions, unreleased tension.
Or even death.
COULSON EVENT (fact) - also known as Schrödinger Coulson; the only thing in Marvel’s The Avengers you can really spoil.
DOUGHNUT (noun, specific) - also known as ‘donut’; a type of fried dough confectionery or dessert food. Symbolizes peaceful eternity in its sweetest form. Fondly associated with better side of Jörmungandr in some religions.
Cover | Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3 | Page 4
Page 5 | Page 6 | Page 7 | Page 8 | Page 9
Page 10 | Page 11 | Page 12 | Page 13 | Credits
Worked on this for nearly a month, on my own, after the working hours; still, I hope my lack of time didn’t have way too much influence on the quality of the finished story…
I feel like I need to mention my working soundtrack.
These songs truly helped me in painting this))
Nina Hagen, “Right On Time” [listen here]
The National, “Mistaken For Strangers” [listen here]
Esben and the Witch, “Marching Song” [listen here]
Abney Park, “Evil Man” [listen here]
Katzenjammer, “Land Of Confusion” [listen here]
Soul Coughing, “Unmarked Helicopters” [listen here]
Tom Waits, “New Coat Of Paint” [listen here]
- Tony: *throws self dramatically on couch with remote controls* alright it's the Bruce and Tony My Little Pony Power Hour.
- Coulson: *from the other room* Oh God... not my NetFlix queue...
- Bruce: Bronies. It's bronies time.
- Tony: Ooh yes, that or Ghost Adventures.
- Coulson: No. Watch My Little Pony.
- Bruce: Wow, Coulson said to watch My Little Pony, that never happens.
- Coulson: I don't want to listen to Tony screeching in terror for the rest of the night.
- Tony: Maybe we can alternate - watch an episode of Ghost Adventures and then temper it with My Little Pony.
- Bruce: You're just going to end up curled on the floor crying.
- Tony: Not true........ maybe true........ probably true.
Everyone who doesn’t know them personally thinks the Avengers are perfect. Everyone who does know them personally knows that the Avengers burp, fart, sing off-key, have morning breath, and make dumb faces during sex just like everybody else.
(Okay, the general public knows about that last one. Hard not to, what with Tony constantly liking his own videos on YouTube and all.)
The Avengers also hiccup.
The first time he heard Natasha go “Hic!” Bruce looked over concernedly and said, “You know, some people think a good scare cures the hiccups. Want me to get the other guy?”
Natasha’s eyes went wide and her diaphragm went still.
The first time he heard Tony go “Hic!” (causing the arc reactor to spasm in time with Tony’s chest and creating an interesting disco effect for a split second), Bruce looked over concernedly and said, “You know, some people think a good scare cures the hiccups. Want me to get the other guy?”
Tony’s mouth dropped open and he actually jumped up a down and clapped his hands with joy. “Man, that’d be perfect, that’s what I’m always saying, Brucie! Gotta let go, you know, gotta—hic!”
Bruce dosed Tony with a spoonful of sugar, a half-teaspoon of salt, and, finally, a lemon wedge. Getting Tony to gnaw on a lemon wedge took so much begging and cajoling, and the face Tony made while swallowing the juice was so pathetic, that Bruce gave in and Hulked out as a reward. Positive reinforcement, right? How To Train Your Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist.
Tony got so excited that he promptly got the hiccups again.